We cannot control circumstances. We can control how we respond to them. Life is not contained in situations. It is contained in the response. How you answer determines whether life is flowing in and out of you or you are just being led or knocked around by experiences.


You are not responsible for what people do to you. That is their issue, not yours. You are responsible for your responses. If you excuse your anger and say, “I cannot get over it because of what they have done,” then you are being controlled by the circumstances instead of taking charge and acting responsibly. People being eaten alive by resentment don’t yet understand that life is contained in the response, for better or for worse. People who forgive those who don’t deserve it are proving that it is possible not to live by circumstances but by our replies to them.


We cannot choose our circumstances any more than we can choose the weather. But we can make choices on how we will interpret those circumstances. How we interpret events rather than the event itself is the difference between life and death.


“In all things give thanks.” Really? When you’ve lost your job or when the car breaks down at a really bad time. Yes, because your joy didn’t rest in the job? It rested in Jehovah. So circumstances can come against you and your keel keeps the boat from tipping. Your hope is in the Lord, not as the line in the musical “Oklahoma”—“everything’s going my way.”


It is not what happens to us that determines joy; otherwise we would ride the roller coaster of up and down emotions, which truckloads of people choose to do. It is what happens in us that makes the difference. One brother reacted to his sibling’s sinfulness and his father’s seeming stinginess and irresponsibility. The younger brother accepted his immaturity, was able to receive forgiveness, and discovered just how generous his father was. Same dad—opposite responses. One receives grace, another stiff-arms the compassion that is two feet away. So with God. Some are discouraged because He hasn’t come through for them. Others are singing His praised, weighed down by blessings. And the circumstances have nothing to do with the difference.


Are you living with any negative emotions bottled up inside, like fear, shame, rejection, or bitterness? Could it be that you failed to understand that you were not responsible for what was said or done to you, but you could still respond in a way that could lift those crippling emotions? Perhaps you can stop right now and ask a good Father: “Are some of those emotions inside my heart? Did I choose to blame you for my painful disappointments? Did I react with anger out of the pain I felt rather than with a response of forgiveness?


Good news: you still have the grace of choosing. Power is given and released in the response, not in the event. You can reinterpret the event and take your God-given privilege of choice to receive forgiveness for wrong responses and extend forgiveness to those who have hurt you. Suffering well keeps your heart open, your mouth closed, and your conscience clear (I Peter 2:22,23). A wise thing to do—a wise way to live.


  1. I did feel responsible for what was said. I have also struggled with feeling very confused about what exactly is going on. I do not understand how my choice of words hurt other people. I need to be taught exactly what words offended people. Why my words or pictures offended people. I feel bad about hurting others.

    It is true that I have been afraid of a certain group of people. I know I need to trust Jesus more. I have also been physically and emotionally exhausted. Thank You very much for your words.

  2. Brent Payne says:

    Great thoughts and wisdom. Since first believing 33 years ago, I’ve always loved the truth that we can live a stable life above difficult situations/circumstances. God has granted us the power and freedom through Christ to choose how we respond to the good and bad of life. I could not have known how important this truth was when I first believes. Lot of stuff good and bad happens to all of us…best to be prepared with faith and wisdom in Christ! I often pass your writings onto my family and others! Thank you, Pastor Paul.

    • panderon says:

      If anyone can talk, you can. You have experienced great loss, and yet you have not allowed bitterness to creep into your soul. That makes you all the stronger. Thank you for your ongoing encouragement. It means a lot to me. Let me know sometime what is happening with your EV Free church.
      With love and affirmation!

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